And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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