she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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