my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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