my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
