I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
