Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
