If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
