those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
