I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
