Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
