My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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