He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
