Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
