Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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