Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
