He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
