I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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