watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He did a backflip because drugs
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