I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
