Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
