I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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