Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
