the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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