i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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