just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
