last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
