i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
