My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
