I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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