Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize