Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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