So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
