Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
