do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
