Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
