Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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