Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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