I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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