I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
