the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
