There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
