I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize