PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you will always have a special place in my vag
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
