That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize