guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
