Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
