Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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