Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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