He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
