I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
