I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
