This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize