He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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