I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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