It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize