So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
