Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
