you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
