I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
