We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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