I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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