i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
