and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
