I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize