where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
