I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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