In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
