Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
