I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
