I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
