his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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