9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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