I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
