none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
