belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
