isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
