just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
