You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
