She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
