Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
