cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
