what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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