I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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