is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
tell me about the fingering
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