Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
