i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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