I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have tasted many bathrooms
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
