Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
