You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
