Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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