i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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