her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
