woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
