Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
