i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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