Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
