You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
